"Why, hi there. :D Here I sit, alone once again. I HAVE NO FRIENDS. Hahahaha. But, of course, I'm only kidding. I'm in school now, on my laptop. It has always been a choice of mine, staying away from people like this. I'm comfortable this way. I can do my own thing without having to worry about people liking me or disliking me. I don't feel as subjected to judgement as I do on most days when I'm around people. I'm doing my own thing, in my own time, at my own pace and that's how I like it.
I especially like the feeling which accompanies solitude; the feeling that I can do anything. I feel free, y'know? I feel awesome. I feel at my most capable when I'm alone.
Although, for so long now, I've always felt this void. A void that I never quite know how to fill. I blog, I paint, I make friends, I go out and have fun but there's that undeniable twang of emptiness that lingers on
I guess that's one other reason why I like being alone so much. It rationalizes the emptiness and, in spite of how helpless I otherwise am, I momentarily feel that I can do something about it."
That was an excerpt from my online diary dating back to much earlier this year.
I've been frustrated as of late, more than I care to admit. Reading through my diary, I've come to realize that I have been so for far longer that I thought.
Thus, I have decided to make good use of my time and to take action against it.
For as long as I can remember, I've always taken comfort in reason. I feel at ease when things make sense and when, and only when, I comprehend them thoroughly.
It frustrates me how ideas in my head don't add up.
It frustrates me how little of myself I can say I truly understand.
It frustrates me how I am eternally in conflict with myself.
And it frustrates me how half of the time I don't even know what I'm frustrated about.
I don't understand.
Moreover, I tend to overthink these things and, with every thought, I plummet deeper and deeper into my frustration. But I figured that if I could reason my way into frustration, I could very well reason myself out.
And so, it begins here.
I need to convince myself that not everything is meant to be understood.
I need to accept the fact that there are no definite set of rules as to how to live life right; it is defined and not sought after.
And, I need to chill and stop thinking about these things.
HAHAHAHAHA.
I thought of dedicating this post to vent out and, hopefully, properly assess my frustrations but having had gone this far in, it now feels too heavy of a topic. Let's move on along now, shall we? :)
I look a Hue Test the other day and look what I scored! :D
The test may be a tad time-consuming but if you find rearranging colors as thrilling as I do, it's a great deal of fun. :D If you're into graphic design, it would be in your best interest to give it a shot.
Within this week alone, dad, Jason and I have watched two movies. Dark Shadows last Sunday and, today, The Pirates! Band of Misfits.
Funny thing earlier this evening when we watched The Pirates! at SM, the movie had an audience of only us three. It felt too much like a private screening so, all the while, I made pretend it was. LOL.
The rest of this week promises to be rather hectic considering that we're having our final examinations. I shouldn't even be blogging right now. :))
To signal the end of summer classes, the three of us, dad, Jason and I will be spending our Sunday at D' Leonor Hotel Inland Resort. I'm psyched. :3
I've tried working with watercolor pencils in my spare time to destress.
Pictures soon to follow. :D
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