I haven't been blogging anymore and I know, in the face of it, that I just make all these excuses for myself, that if there's anything keeping me from writing it's, well, me. For a while now, I've let the thought of subjecting anything I have to offer to the opinion of others overwhelm me -- from the things I do at school to the things I absolutely love doing. I've always found it terrifying and I suppose I've dwelt upon it so much that I've failed to notice just how far I've crawled back into my shell. I often wonder how I'll be able to work in the creative industry when I'm still this sensitive to criticism, constructive or not.
Anxiety has taken such a tight grip on me and, at times, I feel that the extent of it has gotten too far in for God to reach. It's a funny thing though because I know it in my head that it's a lie but I can't help but feel otherwise. I think this is what it means in Jeremiah 17:9(NIV). The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? and Mark 7:21 (ESV) For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery.
I know that what I feel does not dictate my future or my worth. I'm making a stand today. I'm going to take these feelings and these thoughts and I'm going to throw them away; I'll keep on writing. I'm not going to hide and I'm not going to shrink back in fear because I know that I do have something to offer. I know that God destined me to shine and shine I will. No more excuses and no more repressed thoughts.
I still get very high and very low in life. Daily. But I’ve finally accepted the fact that sensitive is just how I was made, that I don’t have to hide it and I don’t have to fix it. I’m not broken. ― Glennon Doyle Melton
These are my struggles and at 22, I'm still trying to figure out how to be at peace with myself. I still have to constantly remind myself that I'm not what I feel. I'm still learning how to be secure in my identity in Christ and how to insist upon it when everything else in my life feels otherwise. I feel too much, I think too much and I'm afraid of so many things. But I'm alright, I'm here and I'll get through this. And if ever you so happen to have these struggles as well, know that you're not alone and that you'll get through this too. I believe in you! :D God is taking care of you. Whatever life throws at you, hold that truth in your heart, and never let it go. ♥
There are people who have helped me grow and who loved me at my darkest. There are people who have brought me closer to God and who have allowed themselves to be a channel of His grace and love in my life. I am deeply grateful for them. They believed in me even when I couldn't bring myself to and, more than that, they reminded me that God believes in me too. I bless you with people like these in your life too, wherever you may be in your life now.
I may not know you personally but I have so much love for you. And if I do know you, all the more. If you somehow find yourself reading this and you need someone to just listen or someone to just talk to, I'm here. You can email me and we can be pen-pals :D Or if you just want to know that someone hears you, I'll read everything you have to say and I'll keep you in my prayers. If I know you and need someone, let's have coffee or lunch, and let's just talk about life. I OFFER YOU MY HUGS :D
Take good care and God bless youuuu ♥
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